I used to blog.
I used to write a lot actually. That was before I really made the Lord number one in my life. You see, 2010 was a big year for me. I would define my 2010 as a year of change, a year of awakening.
I've grown up going to church my whole life, always done the "God" thing on Sunday mornings, Sunday and Wednesday nights. God was more of an event for me. I met Him at the church on those appointed times, and left Him there until the next church service. Don't get me wrong, God has always been very real to me, but our relationship was actually never really a relationship at all.
In 9th grade, I really got into the "party" scene. And it continued on into college. And slowly but surely I became a "party girl." That was what I was defined as, and honestly it was what I also defined myself as. And that was okay with me, I was cool, and confident in myself, and I knew who I was (or so I thought.)
That all changed in 2010. It took a series of events over a six month period for me to finally realize that I wanted a relationship with my Lord and that He (the King of kings, the LORD of lords) wanted a relationship with ME!
The Lord used the lowest point in my life, and a GPS to make me ask the questions "What is my destination in life?" and "Where am I headed?" Two questions that I could not answer at the time.
The Lord introduced me to a little girl named Faith. She was suffering with terminal brain cancer, given only 6 months to live. That's when I learned how to pray, and ask for prayers from friends.
The Lord was transforming my life through Faith. I also got to witness the Lord transforming lives of my friends and people all over the world through Faith. If God can use the most disgusting disease on the earth, cancer, for good, He can use your yuck for good and for His glory. I found my faith through Faith.
I got to meet Faith and her family for the first time as we celebrated Christmas in April. I got to meet and thank the precious soul that helped me put my life into perspective.
Early June 2010:
My dad and I went to the J H Ranch in California. Probably the best week of my whole life, not only did I get to strengthen the relationship with my father but I got to strengthen the relationship with my heavenly Father also. Out there, I felt the presence of God's love! It was thick and powerful! Magical. I cut up my fake ID there, because I was DONE with my old identity, and ready for a new identity in Christ!
Late June 2010:
I failed. I messed up, and got drunk. I felt I would always be the same, I was always going to mess up. I wasn't strong enough. I gave in. And the next day on my way home, I asked the Lord "Why? Why was I so on fire for the Lord, but yet I could not tell my friends what He had done in my life? Why could I not resist the alcohol? Why do I always fail?" You know what the Lord said to me. "Prissy, I want a relationship with you." And it finally clicked, I wasn't strong enough to do this on my own, I needed to have a relationship with the Lord, I needed to talk to Him, and read His word.
I asked for a "sign" that day, and He gave me a literal billboard that said "Jesus... the only way to God. John 14:6" I repeated it over in my head, and that phrase just didn't seem to fit into my situation. So I read John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one gets to the Father except through me." And it still didn't fit to me. So I turned on the radio and the whole song had me in tears. It was like someone read my thoughts and wrote them out as lyrics, and the last verse of the song said:
"...for me there is no other way to You, cause You've said You were: the only way, the only truth, the only life. And I believe You! You have proven Yourself to me, over and over, time and again. I'm here to stay, come running or crawling..."See, that billboard was for me. I finally got it. He IS the Way. He IS the Truth. And He IS the Life. And I finally believe Him. And He has proven Himself to me, over and over (especially in 2010) and FINALLY I'm here to stay Lord.
That day changed my life forever. Not once after that day have I had the desire to drink or to get drunk. Not once since that day have I regretted my decision to become a follower of Jesus Christ. The Lord taught me it was not about what I cannot, but it was about what I CAN do, what He CAN do, and I CAN do through Him with the help of the Spirit (Phil 4:13).
I can finally answer the questions I asked myself a year ago this month, "Where is my destination?" and "Where am I headed?" My destination is heaven, I will live in eternity with my Lord because His son died for me. And I am FINALLY headed in the right direction. I am on the narrow path, and "for me, there is no other way..."
The Lord has brought me to a season entirely dedicated to Him. He has called me to a season at LEGACY School of Discipleship. A period over 7-8 months to focus on Him fully, without all the distractions of this world. A season where I will learn the tools I need to become His disciple, to die to my flesh daily and learn to live in the Spirit, and how to make the daily decision to take up my cross and follow Him. Tune in to my blog as I travel to a vineyard in Eutaw, AL, Israel, then lastly to Etna, CA at the J H Ranch.
Like I said earlier, I used to blog. I used to write a lot. But it all stopped, when I started encountering the Lord, because I could not put into words what I was experiencing. The Lord was changing my life, but I couldn't write about it because no matter what kind of vocabulary I used, I couldn't find words big enough to describe what the Lord was doing.
So follow my next 8 months, as I TRY to describe what I am experiencing at LEGACY and what lessons the Lord is teaching me in this season! I don't know how often I will get to write, but I will share as often as possible!
"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." Matthew 16:25